Archive for the ‘Sawdust’ Category

Penetrating images get too close for comfort With the 3-D fad already waning in mainstream cinema, proponents of the technology have been investigating a new market: pornography. According to Marge Hileman, lead developer for Three Dimensional Porn Inc., “consumers will be able to immerse themselves in the act of watching others have sex better than [...]

Natural born leader shows potential from confines of his crib This past April gave way to a new hope for America, and it had nothing to do with Obama. Oscar Albert Jr. is the newest face of strength, power and freedom. An avid supporter of being changed at least three to four times a day, [...]

Willy Preston Wheatley III, age 12, says he’s a “hard mothafugga.” “Yeah, I try not to brag, but I run shit at FAMS,” said Wheatley of his involvement at Franklin Avenue Middle School in Franklin Lakes, N.J. Wheatley stands five feet tall, has platinum blonde hair and deep blue eyes. “I don’t really care what [...]

Timmy Complains about ‘Basic Human Rights’ Being Taken Away From Him By Dylan Clark Last Monday night, 6th grade Ithaca resident Timmy Williams flipped the channel to MTV to watch his favorite program, Jackass.  But instead of seeing Ryan Dunn shoving a toy car up his ass, he saw something he deemed to be far [...]

By Catherine Fisher Reed Hastings, chief executive of Netflix, leaves his office early Friday afternoon and heads home with a spring in his step. His website has given people across America the luxury of getting movies dropped off right in their mail box, single handedly causing the collapse of local video stores across the country. [...]

rule-breaking women scorned by men having to wait in longer lines By Abby Sophir Lauren Anderson waits patiently in line for the bathroom. She counts to 50 in her head in an attempt to distract herself from the growing sensation in her abdomen. She counts the women and girls in front of her in line: [...]

A flash fiction piece By  Miles Eckardt “The Gynecologist’s office is no place to spend an anniversary, Marybeth.”  The words floated from the mouth of tremor-ridden Dr. S. P. Lunker to his patron, who was lost in thought.   “Any concerns to raise before we begin?”   Marybeth had only one thing on her mind.  [...]

Cameras stay rolling for more than two hours By  Marc Phillips Joe Kalbert, host of Smethport’s first and only public access talk show, Joe’s Spin, fell asleep during a live broadcast today for unknown reasons.   “This has never happened before,” his wife, Lisa, said. “At home, we normally fall asleep watching reruns of My [...]

This is a BAW we’ve been sitting on for a while, a relatively generic problem we all hear our friends and classmates complaining about on a daily basis. Generally, we’ve all just had to suck it up and deal with it. However, with the NCUR parking issues still fresh in all of our minds, we [...]

Protesters reaching out to slimmer brethren to strengthen movement By Catherine Fisher Turmoil filled the halls at Sweeping Pines Middle School after a group of heavyset eight-graders put on a protest Thursday during school hours. The students, angered after the removal of a snack machine, spent the day answering only to their self-proposed nicknames like [...]