Just a few days after the 2013 New Year celebration, Snuggles saw a report on the news about a busted dog fighting ring much like the one he used to be a part of. Suddenly flushed with memories of his old life, Snuggles became ashamed of his mink dog carrier and diamond-encrusted collar.
Sawdust
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What began as an innocent Twitter feud has turned into all-out media warfare as the subjects of two beloved mockumentary shows continue to trash talk their respective counterpart.
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IssuesMagazineNumbersSawdust
Professional Bobsled Lockout Still Gets No Attention
by Christopher Thomas February 27, 2013The American Bobsled Association (ABA) is into its fifteenth week of lockout, and still nothing has happened to try and bring back the sport. Seriously. Nothing has happened.
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Buzzsaw Asks Why: are the Ithaca deer so aggressive?
by Brennin Cummings February 27, 2013Have you ever walked home from campus after 11pm on a weeknight?
If you have, you know there’s a change that takes place. The winds shift and there’s a light layer of fog on the ground. That’s when you know that they have awoken from their daytime slumber, ready to terrorize the students of South Hill like the bloodthirsty gang they are.
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An Open Letter to the Girl with Newfound ‘Insomnia’
by Robyn Schmitz February 27, 2013I don’t give a shit if you got 10 hours of sleep. I don’t give a shit if you got one hour of sleep. Shut that greasy hole in your face that you call a mouth.
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A lot of people been coming up to me recently saying, “J, you’re 43 years old, you got a beautiful wife and a gorgeous baby girl and you’re one of the richest dudes I know. No way you still got 99 problems.”
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Junior Reporter Searches for 10th out of 10 Dentists
by Sam Kamenetz February 27, 2013Sunday afternoon, in the Marriott hotel. The National Dentist Association was having its annual convention. In addition to the orthodontists and other dental hygienists brushing up on their technique, the ten fabled dentists were reviewing a new form of Crest. As per usual the product was granted a recommendation by 9 out of 10 dentists. But what about the tenth?
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Nation’s Education System Gets on Top of ‘69’
by Jared Corwin February 27, 2013There comes a moment in every student’s life where their school year is full of both math and health education homework. They begin to learn advanced concepts relating to the world of algebra and sex alike that can cause much confusion and intrigue. And at this time, they are left vulnerable to corruption through music television, the twitter, and raunchy shows on Adult Swim.
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Notorious Fresco Refurbisher Apologizes…Sort Of
by Lizzy Rosenberg February 27, 2013Almost six months have passed since that fateful day in August, when 80-year-old Spanish woman Cecilia Giminez “restored” a 120-year-old Jesus fresco into what largely resembles a hairy primate. While at first it appeared that Giminez had absolutely no idea as to why her creation offended hundreds of Spanish parishioners, a recent clueless and remorseful statement from the ‘artist’ had some theories about her mishap (though, not quite what the public was looking for).
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After months of speculation, it is apparent that aliens are succeeding in their sinister plot to conquer America, The Greatest Nation on Earth. A spokesman for the Alien Defense Agency (ADA) claims several million aliens from the planet Theanus have successfully beguiled immigration officials and are now wreaking havoc all over the country.