Sawdust
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CircusSawdust
BUZZSAW ASKS WHY: Someone would ever mistake Buzzsaw for Buzzfeed? Ever?
by buzzsawmag-import May 1, 2013Sometime between ‘47 Reasons Why Joseph Gordon Levitt is the Perfect Man’ and ‘The Difference Between Freshman Year and Senior Year,’ I told a friend…
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To my fellow professional hiders, seekers, lost-and-founders, and fans ranging from ages 5-9:
Recently, I’ve realized something rather significant about myself, something I didn’t feel like I could express before. After doing some major soul searching and life evaluating, I think it’s time that I show everyone my true colors…or, lack thereof.
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Last week local gigolo “Magic Mark” Desantos thought he was attending the annual Gigolo Convention, an orgy tradeshow showcasing the who’s who of sex workers and newest sex toys. What Desantos hoped would be a weekend for fellow gigolos and escorts like himself, was actually a 3-day long festival for the large yet tight-knit community of Juggalos in the Midwest (Juggalos being the face-painted, hatchet-wielding, die-hard fans of the horrorcore rap/rock band Insane Clown Posse). The Gathering is notorious for its alligator duels, naked swamp wrestling, raucous concerts and surprise guest appearances by celebrities like Gary Busey, Haylie Duff, Dave Coulier, Andrew Dice Clay and Coolio.
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Edwards has been Tomco Circus’ premier lion tamer since 2009. Friends of Edwards eagerly encouraged him to join the circus after several years of sticking his head inside dangerous dark places such as manoles, tree knots and toilets.
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Fans are outraged, reporting that they had waited in the rain for tickets to see Mr. Kite perform his signature interpretive play in which he dresses as a walrus and throws strawberries at the audience. While critics have trashed the skit, calling it “no more enjoyable than sniffing an old brown shoe,” Kite has developed quite the cult following in the avant-garde art community.
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We are three days into the SAC-D (Steroid Anonymous Chairman Decathlon) and the race is heating up. With current chairman, Mark McGwire retiring in July, Lance Armstrong has taken a lead over current second place racer Barry Bonds in an event designed to decide who gets the top spot of Chairman of the Steroid Anonymous. Alex Rodriguez and Ryan Braun are in third and forth respectively. Armstrong pulled ahead during the 30 mile Bike Race, an event Armstrong scoffed off as “child’s play.” The notorious biker finished the race in 36 minutes.
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CompetitionIssuesSawdust
Charity Participant Takes 5K Too Seriously
by Katherine Talay March 27, 2013Yesterday’s “Diabetes Run for the Cure” charity run was marred for many by the competitiveness of one participant. Greg Sanders, a local history teacher arrived to the starting line, located in Ithaca’s scenic Cass Park, a full hour early. He then proceeded to warm up for 40 minutes, eat a Gatorade fuel gel, listen to “Eye of the Tiger” on his Zune Player four times, eat another Gatorade fuel gel and yell, “Whose house is this?!” to no one in particular.
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CompetitionIssuesSawdust
Trump Continues to Campaign for Presidency
by Kyle Robertson March 27, 2013Against the advice of his crack team of legal advisors, Donald Trump has announced that he will continue his campaign to become the next President of the United States. Trump said that despite an unsuccessful bid against President Barack Obama in 2012, he still refuses to concede defeat.
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Buzzsaw asks why I haven’t put IC in my will yet?