By Noah Burd
Excitement in Veracruz, Mexico, as George Hertz of the archaeological team the Red Jaguars, confirmed the existence of a long-rumored hidden temple.
Since 1993, six archaeological teams have mounted expeditions to seek the temple. Red Jaguars aside, the Blue Barracudas, the Green Monkeys, the Orange Iguanas, the Purple Parrots and the Silver Snakes were [...]

By Liz Kloczkowski
Members of a quiet family in Kennesaw, Ga., are stunned by Friday’s discovery of their dog’s underground stash of unsavory items in the backyard of their once-honorable residence.
According to local authorities, the Goode family dog, Snoopy, has allegedly been pilfering disturbing objects from his owners’ home.  They came across his stash when their [...]

By Anne Gould Northgraves
Sheriff Herman Thomas issued another APB today to national law enforcement agencies regarding the disappearance of Waldo W. Waldoski after a recent sighting at a beach. The local recreational explorer and fan of red-striped sweaters has been missing for more than a decade.
“An anonymous tipster said he was spotted in the upper [...]

Whalen is the best place to go to the bathroom

By Kacey Deamer
Since moving to campus in August, I have noticed poor quality toilet paper; it is thin, rough and rips too easily. Toilet paper isn’t exactly something I focus on, but it was a big change from the plush two-ply I was accustomed to [...]

By Des Parrote
Mxxy name is Desiree Louise Parrote and I’m a highly attractive 21-year-old college student. I’m always busy running around to numerous activities, and I enjoy lonely nighttime walks along poorly lit paths.
So why isn’t anyone stalking me?
Lately, a bunch of my friends have been followed around by sketchy little troll-like men with greasy [...]

By Liz Kloczkowski
Dozens of Rahway, NJ residents are still reeling in light of the news that a local female resident underwent a controversial breast reduction surgery on Thursday.
The woman, a consistently unaware victim of discreet admiration, opted to get the surgery in order to eliminate alleged chronic neck, back, and shoulder pain due to her [...]

By Noah Burd
No, seriously, you’ve gotta see this movie,” Thomas Welsh, 34, said to a homeless man in a park this weekend. “The characters live in real life, only it’s not real life. It’s a computer simulation of real life. But here’s the thing: who’s to say we’re not all just living in a computer [...]

By Chris Giblin
The wenty two-year old Ithaca resident and IC student Jeff Connelly has drawn up elaborate drinking game rules for far too many movies, several friends said upon leaving his Prospect Street apartment in collective disgust early Friday night.
Connelly disillusioned several of his friends Friday when he unveiled his new rules for a Schindler’s [...]

By Liz Kloczkowsk
The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and children’s playful laughter could be heard over the breeze. Freshly cut grass wafted over the air. This was the weather that launched a thousand grills.
The Collins family was world famous for their annual family cookout at the end of every summer. According to Bill [...]

New Website Translates Students’ Emails to Parents
By Colleen Cunha
This past Tuesday, a freshman here at Ithaca College, who prefers to remain anonymous, uncovered an alarming website while browsing the Internet. The student was searching for instructions on how to send a letter in the mail, but came upon a page that seemed to have instructions [...]