Archive for the ‘Sawdust’ Category

SAWDUST: White house opening up suggestion box

Posted on February 28th, 2017 by Kirby Wilhelm

A government for the people, suggested by the people White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, has confirmed a suggestion box will be installed in the White House’s basement, open to those who “can make it down to the bowling alley, roll a strike in one try, and buy a couple cases of beer wholesale from […]

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SAWDUST: Report: Trump controlled by giant spider

Posted on February 28th, 2017 by Will Cohan

Arachnar consumes great power Reporters at the White House have recently discovered that newly elected U.S. president Donald Trump is actually being controlled by a giant spider. This first came to the attention of White House staff members who reported finding “obscene amounts of spider web in the halls” and “the corpses of several interns […]

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SAWDUST: Student dives into the world of politics

Posted on February 28th, 2017 by Jordan Aaron

It didn’t go very well With the country in political upheaval, and civil liberties in grave danger, Ithaca College student, Wayne Knuckles, says he understands what’s going on in the world, but he’s just got too much shit going on right now to deal with it. Officials said that he’s caught up in his accounting […]

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SAWDUST: A new form of audiophile

Posted on February 28th, 2017 by Alex Coburn

How a local student has changed the way he listens to music With the vinyl craze sweeping the music industry, nostalgia lovers of all ages are able to listen to their favorite artists not only on Spotify, but also on an antiquated piece of equipment that they dug out of their basement or impulse-purchased at […]

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SAWDUST: Pepsi in the pipes

Posted on February 28th, 2017 by Cara Olson

Amidst bad sales, Crystal Pepsi to be repurposed for Flint water system In 1992, the nation was swept by a revolution. That revolution had a name: Crystal Pepsi. It was a national phenomenon — until 1993, when Pepsi suddenly discontinued the product, spurning an uproar. Many speculate that the discontinuation was related to the September […]

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SAWDUST: A shocking discovery

Posted on February 28th, 2017 by Matthew Radulski

Boy afraid of death is death itself (Kleinfeltersville, PA) 10 year-old Graham R. Epper was shook to his core when he came home from school to learn that he was actually the living embodiment of death itself. Warning signs had permeated his life. His father died the instant he held his son for the first […]

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SAWDUST: Six songs to rage to in the days of Trump

Posted on February 28th, 2017 by Matthew Nitzberg

Channel your anger with these sick jams #1 That opening song from CSI: Las Vegas You know that song that opens CSI: Las Vegas, the CSI with the bug guy and the song is all like, “Who are you???” I really wanna know. Seriously, I just woke up from a coma. Who is this guy? […]

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Buzzsaw asks why… Pop culture is always glorifying depression?

Posted on February 28th, 2017 by Jordan Aaron

Pop culture always makes depression look super cool. I was talking with someone recently about our mutual hatred of Twenty One Pilots. My critique is pretty basic — I think they’re boring and hackneyed. But my friend pointed out something else: they profit on depression by making it an element of popular music. This isn’t […]

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Ithaca On Top

Posted on December 13th, 2016 by Jordan Aaron

Ithaca is a gorges place to raise your child into a crumbling system The hit liberal political website VOX released a list of the best towns in America to raise children into a crumbling system and Ithaca got number 1! They defined a crumbling system as one that is falling apart due to government inefficiency […]

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Child Sucks at Using Glue Sticks

Posted on December 13th, 2016 by Alexa Salvato

May also be a terrorist Dear Mr. and Mrs. Miller, We hope you and Kevin have enjoyed your first few months at Silver Springs Nursery School. As you saw from Kevin’s progress report, quantitatively, he is succeeding in almost all regards. He can count some things, he can pretty much hold a marker, and, on […]

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