Archive for the ‘Sawdust’ Category

Patient certified in having extensive knowledge of Grey’s Anatomy

a.k.a why am I still here? Nobody likes finals week; it’s five days of cramming in all those Power-Points you pretended to take notes on throughout the semester, only to forget everything the second you hand in your exam. The only good thing about finals is that when they’re over, winter break begins and students [...]

Friends report concern after student buys retro Gameboy and aspires to become an astronaut

Here are just a few of our generation’s archetypes. Which one are you?

Ex still listed as “in a relationship” on Facebook

Family and friends are deeply concerned

Calling all witches and wizards! Are you currently searching for immortality? Can’t seem to find that pesky Sorcerer’s Stone? Sick and tired of viciously preying on unicorns and sucking their blood to survive? Well, never fear friends: at long last, there is hope for an afterlife aside from the grave: Horcruxes! A Horcrux is a [...]

In the annex to the Editor-in-Chief’s mother’s home sit the headquarters of The Hermann Link, the weekly newspaper for Hermann, Missouri; the state’s capital of sausage production. In these offices lies Norm Glenwald, the greatest journalist that never was. “I’m a champion of the industry-A journalist at its finest form — the fourth estate, the people’s [...]

Residents of Ithaca, NY found themselves dealing with a whole new kind of brotherhood when members of fraternity house Omega Alpha Di were discovered attempting to sacrifice a pledge to Morlador, demon god of babes, brew and unearned success. Police say that this isn’t the first time they have had to deal with Omega Alpha [...]

Woman Goes On Rampage Over Speciality Yogurt