Archive for the ‘Sawdust’ Category

Ithaca On Top

Posted on December 13th, 2016 by Jordan Aaron

Ithaca is a gorges place to raise your child into a crumbling system The hit liberal political website VOX released a list of the best towns in America to raise children into a crumbling system and Ithaca got number 1! They defined a crumbling system as one that is falling apart due to government inefficiency […]

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Child Sucks at Using Glue Sticks

Posted on December 13th, 2016 by Alexa Salvato

May also be a terrorist Dear Mr. and Mrs. Miller, We hope you and Kevin have enjoyed your first few months at Silver Springs Nursery School. As you saw from Kevin’s progress report, quantitatively, he is succeeding in almost all regards. He can count some things, he can pretty much hold a marker, and, on […]

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Glue Saves Man From Deadly Fall

Posted on December 13th, 2016 by Alayna Vander

Maybe we should help him down? I’m posting this message on Facebook from my phone in hopes that someone will read it and help me. All you people have done is like and share my posts! I’m not joking around on this one. I’m seriously hanging over downtown NYC right now. I attempted to take […]

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Talk It Out

Posted on December 13th, 2016 by Tylor Colby

Republicans seek counseling to patch rifts from election According to reports by our Buzzstaff, key members of the GOP have recently been seen checking into family counseling together, in what can only be taken as a last-ditch effort to patch things up for the age-old political party. In the midst of differing views and a […]

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Pans, Plates and Passions

Posted on December 13th, 2016 by Sarah Horbacewicz

When a Sodexo employee meets the woman of his dreams It was a cold morning up on South Hill. The sky was gray and snow began to flurry down from the sky when junior Ithaca student Arnold Stein hit the snooze button for the third time before finally getting out of bed. Arnold quickly brushed […]

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Clinton Acceptance Speech

Posted on December 13th, 2016 by Hale Douthit

She loves the Cubs! Last Monday, hackers gained access to the most secret files in the Clinton campaign’s servers and disseminated those files via Wikileaks. One such file of grave interest is an apparent acceptance speech written by Clinton herself before the election in preparation of her supposed victory on Tuesday. However, considering the outcome, […]

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Cut and Paste

Posted on December 13th, 2016 by Emily Ehrenberg

Woman glues eyes shut, now happier than ever Recently, a local Woman has discovered the positives of what initially appeared to be an unfortunate accident. In an attempt to find some piece in her rather distraught world, Mia Smith sat down for a day of making model airplanes. When asked about the incident, Ms. Smith […]

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BUZZSAW ASKS WHY… Do we bother having presidents anymore?

Posted on December 13th, 2016 by Tylor Colby

We all know the deal by now. We’ve all settled into our respective ideologies, and decided how we feel about the recent presidential election. I can feel my blood pressure raise a tad every time the phrase “recent presidential election.” Don’t you? In fact that’s kind of the point I’m trying to make – that […]

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W.O.K.E is No Joke

Posted on November 9th, 2016 by Tylor Colby

Services available for white men blind to own privilege Ithaca, NY – The world can be a frightening place, full of violent crime, unequal pay and racial tension, all things that do not directly impact cisgender white men. That is quite a lot of responsibility to have on one’s shoulders. But there may be a […]

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Hiding in Plain Sight

Posted on November 9th, 2016 by Claire McClusky

Democratic frontrunner sleeping in parent’s basement Confirmed: Hillary Clinton is a cheat and a freeloader. The latest discovery about her corrupt nature is especially disturbing, sure to shake the current presidential campaign. She has been living in her parents basement since 2001, when her time as first lady came to an end. The snake of […]

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