Archive for the ‘Sawdust Lifestyles’ Category

SAWDUST: Moonies gets a new regular when Harry Flaherty, whose sex life with his wife expired exactly six years ago, tries to come to terms.

By Chris Giblin Christmas morning was ruined at the Tyndall residence just outside Charlotte when it was revealed that each member of the family had received a lump of coal in his or her stocking from the father, Bill Tyndall, a major lobbyist for the pro-coal energy company Duke Energy. Tyndall expressed shock at his [...]

By Chris Giblin After a series of disruptive, dangerous crashes in four different intersections in Lawrence, New Jersey on Wednesday, Mayor Michael Powers vowed to return the town’s traffic signals to the normal red-amber-green system for the remainder of the holiday season. “We only looked to bring a bit of spontaneous holiday cheer to the [...]

By Chris Giblin An old, lonely radio broadcaster challenged the real, tangible significance of sports in modern American society as Princeton defeated Cornell in a game of baseball, 6-2. “This is a must-win game for the Big Red,” broadcaster Rich Jarvis said at the beginning of the game. “They’ve lost three in a row coming [...]

Ithaca College sophomore Steven Maddox rolled his eyes off to the side Wednesday as he overheard some film students debate whether Pulp Fiction is the best movie Quentin Tarantino has ever directed. “Tarantino again?” Maddox lamented to his roommate Barry as they walked past the conversation. “That’s fucking original. What are they gonna talk about [...]

A sudden but quickly fading wave of inspiration passed over an Ithaca College student late Tuesday night as he decided to search the Internet for summer programs in which he could make a difference in the world. Looking at several online forms and required application essays, however, he lost focus and eventually viewed some porn [...]

Oh, that’s right. Don’t act like you don’t notice. I saw that furtive glance in my direction as you bent down to grab your algebra book from your backpack. I know you’re not looking at anyone else at my table. They’re all nerds. Pocket protectors and chess games abound over here and yes, I hang [...]

Cortland 15-year-old Nick Fletcher found himself in the back seat of his girlfriend’s mother’s van just after his first attempt at fingering girlfriend Andrea Benson at a movie theater Friday night. The fingering, which occurred at approximately 9:36 PM, did not go well, according to both Benson and Fletcher, who sat in silence in the [...]

Hello friend. So good to talk to you again, or wait, how silly of me! We’ve never met before have we? You’ll have to please excuse my manners, I’m just terrible with first impressions. Sorry. Allow me to introduce myself. My name’s Bradford Eisenstein and I’m a 57-year-old lifetime Ithaca resident. I have friends who [...]