From the September 2006 Issue.
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The Widowmaker
By Harrison Flatau
In February 2009, a new blog called thisiswhyyourefat.com launched. The site’s slogan is “Where dreams become heart attacks.” The food featured on the site isn’t gross in a chocolate-sauce-on-a-hot-dog way, but gross like a nine-decker McDonald’s Filet O’Fish sandwich. The food usually contains ingredients that would normally go together, but in an overly [...]
United States of Tara
Showtime
By Harrison Flatau
Showtime’s new series United States of Tara is filled to the brim with potential energy. Unfortunately, the show has yet to kinetically use this energy.
Tara stars Toni Collette as the titular Tara who has Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, aka multiple personalities). Her personality splits off into three separate personalities: T, a skanky 16-year-old; [...]
The Band’s Gonna Make It
Drama between area band, Electric Vagina
By Harrison Flatua
Dude, where have you guys been? We were supposed to have practice an hour ago. Like, this is the third time this has happened. Greg, you never told me you had work. How am I supposed to schedule practice if you guys don’t tell me these [...]
buzzsaw 4 kidz!
By Harrison Flatau
Answers to last week’s puzzle.
What’s wrong with this picture?
1. Dinosaurs are extinct.
2. The Velociraptor and T. rex are in space.
3. The T. rex and Velociraptor lived in different parts of the Cretaceous Period. (The T. Rex lived from 68.5-65.5 million B.C.; Velociraptors lived from 75-71 million B.C.)
4. Velociraptors cannot wield shotguns; T. rexes [...]
Harrison Flatau’s Guide to College
By Harrison Flatau
Whether you’re a freshman or an about-to-graduate-senior, it’s always good to listen to the advice of others. With that in mind, here is my, Harrison Flatau’s, guide to surviving college in 2008.
Books
Do not buy any of the books. If you have to read or study from a book, get it from the [...]
Take My Medal, Now!
By Harrison Flatau
The 2008 Olympics held in Beijing must be stopped. It’s not because of the way the Chinese government treats Tibet and Tibetans or because their pollution output blankets the country like something out of a Stephen King story (The Mist, in case you’re wondering). And it’s definitely not because they don’t have Burger [...]
