Author Archive

SAWDUST: Moonies gets a new regular when Harry Flaherty, whose sex life with his wife expired exactly six years ago, tries to come to terms.

Sacred land infringes on councilwoman’s right to retail “We’d prefer not to have corporate chains on our sacred burial grounds,” Chief Editon said. In the quiet isolation that is upstate New York, the Gapajo tribe prepare for their monthly lunar harvest in the Hopkinton Valley. As they finish up a full day’s toil, Councilwoman Leanne [...]

By Catherine Fisher Reed Hastings, chief executive of Netflix, leaves his office early Friday afternoon and heads home with a spring in his step. His website has given people across America the luxury of getting movies dropped off right in their mail box, single handedly causing the collapse of local video stores across the country. [...]

Protesters reaching out to slimmer brethren to strengthen movement By Catherine Fisher Turmoil filled the halls at Sweeping Pines Middle School after a group of heavyset eight-graders put on a protest Thursday during school hours. The students, angered after the removal of a snack machine, spent the day answering only to their self-proposed nicknames like [...]

Body Fat Percentage Falling Dangerously Below Obesity Levels By Catherine Fisher Fifty-four red-faced Santas petitioned outside the Freehold Mall on Monday to remove Karl Clyne from the National Santa Claus Registry. According to the NSCR, Clyne is in violation of his contract in relations to physical decree. The accused is said to have dropped 45 [...]

Just a few simple steps for celebrity screw ups and scandals By Catherine Fisher Celebrities: They’re famous, they’re fabulous and they fuck up. Yes, much like that guy who had too much to drink at a party and pukes in the living room, the stars of America too have their moments where they fall from [...]

How antidepressant ads manipulate By Catherine Fisher With our country in an economic crisis along with the sporadic increase of natural disasters, it isn’t surprising that depression rates among the American population have risen. Luckily for us, antidepressants are only a doctors note away. But are we really that lucky? Antidepressant ads give the impression [...]

Owner’s manuals… the perfect initiative booster By Catherine Fisher The owner’s manual, your basic guide to all the functions and troubleshooting that come with the latest gadgets to hit the consumer market. You would think this packet, advertised to aid the everyday customer, would be a walk in the park. Unfortunately, that is not the [...]

The ultimate couch crasher’s heaven By Catherine Fisher Hotels are a hassle. You empty your wallet out for an upgraded prison cell and are basically left to fend for yourself. Sure, there are brochures in the lobby promoting the highly hyped walking tours and acclaimed restaurants, but these swamped tourist attractions aren’t going to make [...]

Since the rating system was put into effect, the MPAA’s spotty standards have made us question what exactly their motives are for censoring certain content.