Author Archive

It seems like Hollywood won’t stop until it’s exploited every holiday on the western calendar. Here are some holidays I think need a little love — or a multi-million dollar, star-studded movie

a.k.a why am I still here? Nobody likes finals week; it’s five days of cramming in all those Power-Points you pretended to take notes on throughout the semester, only to forget everything the second you hand in your exam. The only good thing about finals is that when they’re over, winter break begins and students [...]

Family and friends are deeply concerned

It’s November, meaning it’s that time of year when our student body fights the oncoming cold in the early morning to celebrate Ithaca College’s No.1 drinking event: the Cortaca Jug. For 70 years, students from IC and Cortland have competed fiercely in obliterating their livers by decking out in ‘school spirit’ wear and pre-gaming pre-9 [...]

SAWDUST: Moonies gets a new regular when Harry Flaherty, whose sex life with his wife expired exactly six years ago, tries to come to terms.

Sacred land infringes on councilwoman’s right to retail “We’d prefer not to have corporate chains on our sacred burial grounds,” Chief Editon said. In the quiet isolation that is upstate New York, the Gapajo tribe prepare for their monthly lunar harvest in the Hopkinton Valley. As they finish up a full day’s toil, Councilwoman Leanne [...]

By Catherine Fisher Reed Hastings, chief executive of Netflix, leaves his office early Friday afternoon and heads home with a spring in his step. His website has given people across America the luxury of getting movies dropped off right in their mail box, single handedly causing the collapse of local video stores across the country. [...]

Protesters reaching out to slimmer brethren to strengthen movement By Catherine Fisher Turmoil filled the halls at Sweeping Pines Middle School after a group of heavyset eight-graders put on a protest Thursday during school hours. The students, angered after the removal of a snack machine, spent the day answering only to their self-proposed nicknames like [...]

Body Fat Percentage Falling Dangerously Below Obesity Levels By Catherine Fisher Fifty-four red-faced Santas petitioned outside the Freehold Mall on Monday to remove Karl Clyne from the National Santa Claus Registry. According to the NSCR, Clyne is in violation of his contract in relations to physical decree. The accused is said to have dropped 45 [...]

Just a few simple steps for celebrity screw ups and scandals By Catherine Fisher Celebrities: They’re famous, they’re fabulous and they fuck up. Yes, much like that guy who had too much to drink at a party and pukes in the living room, the stars of America too have their moments where they fall from [...]