Instead of asking you’re there, it now begs you to leave
*cue ominous Netflix opening sound*
Check out the brand new features on your favorite streaming service this fall!
Netflix is proud to introduce a new voice feature that not only allows you to give voice commands but also lets Netflix speak back to you!
Netflix has also planned to partner with Google so now you can link your account to your work/school calendar to see exactly what you’re procrastinating on!
And last but not least our latest feature is specially tailored films and documentaries, to remind you of the terrible pandemic that has taken over the world, plus a live feed feature to see how badly your fellow human beings are dealing with this catastrophe!
Really? Are you sure that’s your profile? Damn, that’s like the 7th time this week. Don’t you have other, better things to be doing? I mean you don’t even pay for this account, so it’s not like you need to be trying to get your money’s work. Speaking of work did you just cancel your shift so you could binge Gilmore Girls again?
- Grocery run
- Complete Buzzsaw article
- Finish project
Watch it again
The Great British Baking show? Again? What is it now the fifth time?
You know who wins that season, you’ve watched the finale a dozen times. What are you going to do with all of this baking knowledge anyway? You don’t even know how to make an omelette, idiot!
- How too much screen time can actually kill you featuring your concerned parents
- Documentary on how “Netflix and Chill” is leading to a surge in breakups in America
- “Why You’re Still Single”, a Netflix special that shows you exactly why you still can’t find that special someone.
Recommended for you!
- BRAND NEW! “Marie Kondo’s: Don’t you have to clean your closet?”
- A random Christmas romance but it’s just the protagonist standing up her date because she’s too busy binge-watching a tv show
- Riverdale season 5
- 3 straight hours of drug commercials
- Netflix Original documentary: “How the Netflix Party extension actually steals all of your information and sells it to the government”
- Coming of age film where the lead protagonist has sworn to never binge shows because she’s “not like other girls”.
- The bee movie but every time they say bee it takes you back to the beginning
- Brand new, comeback season of Glee, but this time none of them can sing and the songs are all of your favorites
- All the seasons of the office but it’s edited so everyone is wearing masks
We hope you enjoy these new updates and continue to use your favorite streaming service!
*Reminder that as of 10/30/2020 our subscription rates will increase- and as always terms and conditions apply!*
Ananya Gambhiraopet is a first-year communication management and design major who has been taken hostage by netflix AI. You can reach them at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Art by Ananya Gambhiraopet.