Buzzsaw does not wish to be elitist in assuming that everyone has seen and could distinguish between a car and a lemon, but we have noticed a strong uptick in people confusing the two. We wish to clear up for the public forthwith that there is a noticeable difference between an automobile which has turned out to be a dud and the popular yellow citrus fruit.
Take a look at the item you are trying to identify. Be careful not to attempt to drive the object or put it in your mouth until you have decided whether or not it is a lemon. Take care not to be run over.
The temptation is to make a snap judgement over whether the object is small, yellow, and smells funny on the inside. If it checks all these boxes – beware – you may be looking at a yellow Fiat with a gas leak on the interior, but you might also be looking at a lemon.
If the inside of the object puts you in a bad mood, this too could be a symptom of either high doses of vitamin C or road rage. The face you make when in the throes of either sensation is equally sour and should not be used in your judgement process. Confusing similarities have also ensued in the laboratory, after testing which object was most likely to leak a substance that does not taste good.
In fact, after hours of government-funded research, Buzzsaw Labs have decided that breaking down what makes a lemon different from a car is at best extremely difficult and at worst entirely arbitrary.
Lemons and cars are both social constructs. What we give the word “lemon” could just as easily be a car. Consider Shakespeare’s contemplation on a rose by any other name. Consider Plato’s perfect forms. What is it to name something? Can a car not be a lemon? Can a lemon not be a car? What among this world clutches to genuine stability when we realize that all manner of objects are but a conglomeration of mass given a name – this within one language out of many by one species out of many? How can this be considered significant?
In fact, Buzzsaw would like to apologize for putting this article out at all, as it seems that we can no longer distinguish between a car and a lemon ourselves. We are very sorry for wasting your time.
Your Editor Indeterminate,
Isabel Murray