GameStop Stresses That They Are Not a Substitute for the Black Market
The local Ithaca GameStop has announced that in addition to video games and other electronic devices, it is now accepting gently used organs and plasma. The new policy change comes shortly after Cayuga Medical reportedly ran out of blood during the multiple hospitalizations that occurred after the “Run with Scissors” 5K.
When I interviewed GameStop manager Vladimir “Vlad” Johnson about the change, he said in a thick accent, “We realize that people have lots of things besides video game consoles and games just lying around that could be put to better use. I think the good people of Ithaca could make good use of organs at an affordable price.”
I was curious about what the retail value of these organs was and how it compared to the other goods GameStop buys back and resells. I asked Vlad if I could exchange a Legend of Zelda or Mario Kart video game for a new lung for my grandma. Vlad was very confident in his response: “New lung? No, definitely not. Maybe for a few bags of O+ or even a kidney if the game was in good condition.”
On a sign at the register, GameStop defines “gently used” as, “can’t have been removed from the body more than two weeks before donating.” Vlad also assured me that the company is working closely with the police to monitor Ithaca graveyards to make sure all donations are legitimate.
When I asked him to clarify his thoughts on why Ithaca townspeople might have organs “just lying around” at home, he merely smiled at me and said, “We’ve already received many callers asking how much money they could get from their donations.”
I was curious how Cayuga Medical staff felt about this update. I asked ER doctor Jamie Corest about this. She said that she thinks it’s a good alternative because it’s cheaper to get organs and plasma from GameStop than from the hospital, and this can help save lives. Plus, customers can also pick up a new video game to play after organ transplant surgery: a win-win situation!
Sarah Moon is a second-year writing major who is hoping to trade part of their liver and a few pints of blood for a Nintendo Switch. You can reach them at firstname.lastname@example.org.