Thousands switch their birthdays to January 8th
Seattle first-grader Nicholas Sherman had been looking forward to his seventh birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese’s for months. It was set to be his coveted “golden birthday”, meaning that he would be turning seven on the seventh. However, just two days before the big celebration, Sherman’s parents received an RSVP from someone they didn’t even invite.
Maybe you remember Blue Ivy Carter, the seven-year-old daughter of Beyoncé Knowles-Carter and Jay-Z Carter. She recently made headlines for being the owner of the sole solid gold JoJo Siwa bow in production, simply because no one else can afford it, including Siwa herself. Now, both Carter and her royal parents are under hot water again.
From the moment Blue Ivy came into the world, she was already cooler than you will ever be. From diamond encrusted rattles to a custom California king bed crib to cold hard cash that may as well be Monopoly money. AirPods are simply just materials for the slime she makes after watching Instagram tutorials. So where does plebian Nicholas Sherman come in?
Turns out, in addition to copyrighting Blue Ivy’s name shortly after she was born, the couple has finally gained approval to copyright her birthday, January 7th, just in time for her golden birthday. Though, to be fair, every birthday is golden when you’re Beyoncé’s daughter.
What does this mean for doomed Capricorns who also happen to be on born that day? Well, for starters, the date is not permitted to appear in writing. At least, not for free. Restrictions include anything from birth certificates to Twitter bios, to tattoos to yes, Chuck E Cheese’s birthday party invitations. This inevitably gives those born on this day two options: pay the fee or move your birthday to January 8th. Nicholas Sherman will not only have to wait one more year for his coveted golden birthday but also one more day for his plastic pizza and ringworm.
Blue Ivy’s other birthday twins were certainly not quiet about the identity change they were forced to go under.
“The birthday change completely misaligns my star chart,” Connor Moore, angrily shared on Twitter.
“I can’t complain,” Haley Reid told a local news outlet stationed outside an area hospital responsible for printing the new certificates, “Since 2012, I’ve never felt worthy of sharing a birthday with Blue Ivy. This just feels like the right thing to do.”
Have a birthday on June 13th? You’re next. It’s only a matter of time before copyright is issued for Blue Ivy’s younger twin siblings.
The Carter family declined to comment. Can we really be mad at Beyoncé though?
Sarah Diggins is a second-year writing major who’s nervous their birthday is next to be copyrighted. Reach them at firstname.lastname@example.org.