Anti-math movement emerges
“I don’t like it,” said six-year-old Emily Robertson from Glen Falls, New York. “It’s dumb! I don’t want to do it anymore.”
Emily, of course, is talking about her math class. Across the globe, more and more individuals are starting to listen to what the kids have been saying for years: math sucks.
“They just don’t like it,” Amelia Smith, a second-grade teacher from Bolton, Connecticut, said. “Honestly, I don’t really blame them. Math’s boring. I don’t really want to do it anymore, either.”
As this opinion gains popularity and traction, more institutions have been following suit. More and more schools are starting to write math out of the curriculum in order to spare any detriment to students.
“The only reason we all think kids have to do math is because that’s the way it’s been done traditionally,” said Bridget Robertson, Emily’s mother. “It’s time for a change. I would rather have my child be happy than have her ever do math again.”
Robertson also mentioned being forced to assist Emily with her math homework had caused irreversible damage to her and her husband’s marriage.
“He’s still staying at a motel across town,” Robertson said. “I can’t take Emily to visit him, because I don’t want her to be scared by the number in the Motel 6 sign. It’ll remind her of math. Do math supporters realize that this is what they’re encouraging?”
The largest motivators in this movement are parents with opinions like Robertson. When it comes to their children, parents are pulling out all of the stops to keep their children safe from the dangers of math.
The anti-math campaign has its fair share of extremist supporters. Some angry parents and teachers fight for legal repercussions for those who still attempt to use math, or mention numbers of any kind.
“Yesterday at the supermarket, Daniel started crying when the cashier read us our total,” said Beth Framer, a mother from Ithaca, New York. “I can’t risk dealing with him breaking down all the time. Numbers have to go.”
There has been some argument against the extraction of math from traditional curriculum. Esteemed mathematician Marco Rodriguez recently appeared on Good Morning America to argue that without math, our society would crumble completely.
“If we did away with math, we could not truly function as a society the way we do now,” said Rodriguez. “Everything we know about life would change, and all technology would cease to exist.”
Rodriguez is now receiving death threats for his stance, and Good Morning America has been flooded with picketers since the interview.
Supporters of the anti-math campaign attempted to storm Good Morning America the morning directly after Rodriguez spoke but had some trouble organizing their protest.
“We had no way of estimating how many people were going to show up,” Brian Henderson, a High School Principal from Virginia said. “My buddy from school was going to come up and support, but we couldn’t ask him to make the trip. Too many highway and exit numbers to figure out.”
A small number—or rather group—of individuals made it to New York for the protest. They’re still currently protesting, as they have no way of gauging how many days they’ve been there.
“I don’t care what I have to do or how long I have to be here,” Henderson said. “All I know is that math sucks.”
Phoebe Harms is a second-year journalism major who has been trying to eliminate math for an unknown amount of time. You can reach them at firstname.lastname@example.org.