It’s made out of baby teeth
Post Malone has been turning some heads with his new set of teeth. A detour from his iconic Skittles-esque grills, his grin has gotten a lot ‘toothier’ with a smile featuring 32 baby teeth sealed together and worn over his actual pearly yellows.
In a special interview Malone revealed how he collected his teeth. “The first two are mine from when I was kid,” he adds, “they make everything taste sweeter. Mainly ‘cuz I ate a lot of candy and never brushed my teeth. This pointy one I got from a middle school boxing club. These two [molars], are from an Orphanage in Syracuse. It’s sort of like a teeth farm. Like the kids are there, and really all they do is eat, sleep, and lose teeth. I bought a bunch on Amazon Prime, like at least five. I mean I sort of lost track for a while. Everyone does it. You go to the store hungry and come back with like $200 in groceries, I go online and spend $20k on baby teeth. My favorite though is this one.” He points to a black and misshapen canine. “I just found this one on the ground. It’s like my lucky charm.”
He then expanded on why he needs so many. “My mans, I tear through teeth. I have, like, a very specific diet I designed myself. First a whole bar of iron vitamins are, like, important so those pills and shit ain’t gonna do the trick. Next, I drink a whole thing of sunblock. I saw online that zinc is healthy, and the bonus is I never get sunburnt. I also like to chew on nail files. There’s no health reason for that; I just like the way it feels.”
Malone described an image of a shark-like mouth, with up to ten layers of teeth at a time. “Sharks are pretty savage, like, they are powerful but also beautiful. That’s how I want my rap to be,” Malone stated, adding, “It ain’t just the look though. I’ll go to the beach and hunt seals. There is no better way for me to become like nature, and it doesn’t hurt that I like the taste.”
He expanded on how his new style affects his music. “This only makes my music better. Anyone can sound like just a person, but I can sound like 20 people. 20 sets of teeth, 20 voices. Combine that with my shark-like essence and you got 20 shark voices. You can’t get more intense than that.” He ended our interview by sharing a preview to his new untitled song. While he seemed very proud sharing it, the sample sounded like someone trying to rap with a mouth full of rocks and spit.
Ryan Ingerson is a first-year business administration major who has been stockpiling teeth to make their own jewelry. You can reach them at firstname.lastname@example.org.