And bonded with his son too
President Donald J. Trump went to China recently on a diplomatic mission, accompanied only by his youngest son Barron and his pet broomstick. “This trip will be mainly used as a vacation for my son and I, so we can really get along in order to find out what his business interests are.” The noble-boy and his pa were dead-set on seeing the sights, sounds and smells of Zhongguo. “I can’t wait to finally spend some quality time with Mr. President” Barron told us, . “I plan on helping the United States as much as I can. I was told by the Secret Service that I am a ‘liable kidnapping target’ and ‘shouldn’t be unattended’, yet here I am on my way to Beijing, still just being a youngly and smart noble-boy.”
The first leg of the trip was to the three P.F. Chang’s in Seoul, S. Korea (but really to check on his named properties). Each were in a mall, at most an hour away from Seoul’s Trump World Tower II by mass transit. On the train towards the first, Young Barron and his broomstick, Broomy, were told by President Trump that “now is the time to get all the real Chinese food you can eat” as “this place won’t be around much longer due to the Rocket Man up above us or America falling apart due to those libs pushing for more taxes on us and our stuff”. As it was spoken, Broomy looked up at Barron with his big, grainy eyes as if saying, “Barron, your dad is full of bullshit and we’re not even in China right now,” but Barron replied, “Of course, father. I’ll eat some General Tso’s to make you proud and go ahead and melt those snowflakes.” Woody shook in fear as the power of DJT’s wisely chosen yet inaccurate words fell into Barron’s ears. Each of Broomy’s little nubs and notches filled up the body with just a little more rage until Woody swelled up and turned into a broomstick with tiny arms and firm broomstick biceps.
After a “delicious and authentic” meal at all three locations, (“This CEO really knows his shit bout both business and food, and that’s why we eat here,” Trump confessed) Barron, Broomy and Trump were set up on a rocket, courtesy of the 30,000 US Troops stationed in Korea, directed towards a swath of the Great Wall (“The first of many great walls,” Barron noted to his father) in Badaling and were thus shot there.
Meeting them halfway on their walk from Badaling to their joint meeting with President Xi in Beijing, President Trump and Young Barron, in unison, made apparent the trials and tribulations they faced on their walk to a guaranteed future greater United States. “We’ve been thinking so much about how we’re gonna save the world, how we need to poll how many buildings want our names on them. We could really use bikes. It’s really a lot. The only thing that would make it worse would be ninjas appearing right here on this wall.”
Kirby Wilhelm is a third-year Sociology major who orders the lettuce wrap at P.F. Chang’s. Reach them at email@example.com.