How food is a symbol of our own existential dread
All food is bad for you and will kill you. If it tastes good, it’ll kill you faster. If it tastes bad, it’ll kill you slower but you’ll be more miserable in the process. Anything you eat will make you sad and lonely. All food is poison. Everything is poison.
If food doesn’t make you miserable, it’s making something else miserable. When you eat meat, you eat the flesh of another animal. A living thing actually had to die to sustain your existence, as if you contribute anything to the world in the first place. The honey industry is the enslavement of bees. The beekeeper literally cracks a whip forcing poor little bees to gather nectar and vomit it out. But it’s fine because you just need to drizzle honey into your tea, you inconsiderate monster. Oh, you like eggs? You like chicken? How’d you like to spend every waking hour in a tiny cage squeezing out eggs for the rest of your life? Anything you’ve ever eaten has went through hell to feed your lazy ass. It’s all pain and suffering. Everything is suffering.
So maybe you have no sympathy for animals and this isn’t really reaching you. Maybe all you can think about is your own well-being. Do you want to get salmonella? If you eat chicken or eggs, you will get salmonella and die. Have you ever eaten a sandwich? Did the sandwich have bread? The bread was probably bleached. You just ate bleach, you fucking psycho. Anything sweet has high fructose corn syrup. Ever heard of it? It’s basically liquid cancer. Everyone has cancer.
Don’t act like you’re getting out of this if you’re a vegetarian. Tofu is a sad excuse for meat, you are a sad excuse for life. Tofu gets its taste by absorbing the flavors of foods around it. Alone, tofu is nothing, just like you. You are not original. You only feed off the life energy of those around you. You are a disease. Everything is a disease.
Just eat dirt. The only thing you can eat is dirt. Everyone is going to die and turn into dirt anyways. We’re all just animals shoving food into our mouths as we flop around a shitty rock floating through the abyss of space. The universe will grow cold and dark and everything will decay into nothing. That greasy hamburger you’re eating will be nothing but a faint whisper in the memory of the cosmos. One day, everything you love will be cold and dead. Everything is dead.
Will Cohan is a third-year student studying Cinema & Photography. They get grumpy when they’re angry. You can reach them at email@example.com.