YES, WITH A Z
If you haven’t been watching, playing, eating or living sports, let me fill you in on some of the happenings in sport-ball land.
Recently some guy who used to play for a certain school (and learn from, I guess) is now back to coach sport-ball at the school. This same guy used to wear a T-shirt under his sleeveless jersey, (do you know what sport I’m talking about yet?) the first ever to do so according to Wikipedia.
Sticking with sport-ball, a team named for a natural resource that somehow stuck to the feet of its state’s soldiers during the American civil war, won the intergalactic higher education quasi-student Tournament of Championship. Playing a school whose teachings are based in the works of Christ and the Pope, it becomes obvious that those playing for God are sure to lose.
In other news of sport-ball, someone who swings a club recently fell and hurt himself and might not be able to swing a club in the big tournament. This hurts his chance of making lots of money by way of pushing a little ball into a little hole a bunch of times, the fewest amount of times.
A recently retired sport-ball player is going to “suit up” for a different sport-ball team. It’s the last game of the season and this team, which won’t make the playoffs, wants him to play for this completely different sport-ball sport. The teams are in the same city, but the league won’t let him, though maybe he’ll get off the bench and score some points after the final buzzer.
Switching gears to the business side of sport-ball, a team moved from one city near water to one in the middle of a desert that allows gambling and is usually lacking water. It’s funny that this team moved because the owners previously said they weren’t going to move the team, but they did, and now only one sport-ball team is left in the city, and they might be leaving too.
A championship winning sport-ball player is in the hot seat for being inauthentic. He passed off some of his non-game-worn jerseys as ‘game-worn’, done in cahoots with a sports memorabilia seller. This makes the jersey less memorable and valuable and that’s a problem.
During a playoff game, a sport-ball player seriously fractured his thumb. Not only does it hurt himself, it also hurts his team.
None of the headlines on ESPN focused on a female athlete and mainly centered on a couple sport-ball sports.
Kirby Wilhelm is a second year sociology major whose favorite sport is sport ball. Reach them at email@example.com.