It didn’t go very well
With the country in political upheaval, and civil liberties in grave danger, Ithaca College student, Wayne Knuckles, says he understands what’s going on in the world, but he’s just got too much shit going on right now to deal with it. Officials said that he’s caught up in his accounting studies, but mysterious leaks would soon prove otherwise.
Images of Knuckles practicing with his intramural basketball team for a big tournament began to surface. Leaked audio showed him talking about the issues facing the nation right now, and him actively shrugging them off. In the clip he said, “Yeah man, I understand that there’s some serious stuff going on right now, but I’ve got my own problems too. I got busted again for being high in my Outdoor Studies class and now my parents are gonna take the poon mobile away.” The poon mobile is his 2002 Toyota Corolla, which Knuckles refers to as “the P00N mobile”.
Knuckles sits in the back of his gen ed required politics class and plays Tetris on his laptop while avoiding participation. While going on his usual Thursday afternoon coffee run to Starbucks, Knuckles ran into some baristas having a conversation about current events. The baristas were discussing the capitalist imagery in the colors of the Starbucks logo. One of the baristas, Shannon Landon, being the outgoing social butterfly the she was, called on Knuckles to chime in. Knuckles brushed them off in an attempt to avoid a nuanced discussion of America’s political climate.
Another barista, Benjamin Cheese-Walter continued to pick Knuckles’ brain, but Knuckles brushed that off, saying, “But you’re a white dude too.” Cheese-Walter retorted, “I may be white but I’m still an ally. Don’t take out your hostility at me because you’re not informed enough to be part of public discourse.”
With tensions mounting everywhere he goes, Knuckles has taken to reading the news every day. He started with recommended periodicals like the New York Times, Washington Post and Wall Street Journal, but he found himself unable to connect to what he felt was an elitist writing style.
One day, however, Knuckles stumbled upon a link to alt-right nonsense blog, Breitbart. On this day, Wayne Knuckles’ life changed. For the first time in his life, he felt enlightened.
Knuckles arrived to class the next day rejuvenated and ready to engage in his politics course for the first time. He was prepared with some articles published by Breitbart’s Charles Hurt, specifically “The Nuclear Option: At Sessions’ Hearing, Dems Live Up to the Party’s Tradition of Racism.”
Knuckles, eager to show the class his newfound knowledge, volunteered to go first, showing off his opinions about the non-existence of racial tension and his theory that homosexuality is a hoax invented by liberals to gain sympathy for Native Americans. The rest of the class took in his words, and decided to move on, declaring him simply an alt-right neo-nazi and a lost cause rather than helping him sift through the information.
This is a cautionary tale: be open to dialogue.
Jordan Aaron is a third year Writing for Film, Television, and Emerging Media major who has been to Breitbart too many times this month. You can reach him email@example.com.