Men Across Ithaca Think Women Mean Opposite of What They Say
ITHACA, NY – Women throughout Tompkins County have begun reporting a strange phenomenon. Their husbands and boyfriends don’t listen to a single thing they have to say. One woman, 37, called the Ithaca Fire Department after her husband supposedly heard the opposite of what she told him: to not burn the house down while she was out.
“I told him,” she told the police, “jokingly, might I add, to not burn down our house while I was at the market. Then I came home to no home at all.” When questioned by authorities, her husband explained that he had heard her ask him to set fire to their home.
“I don’t think that I would have misheard that,” he argued.
The men of Ithaca have attempted to explain this phenomenon away with psychology and neuroscience.
“Women’s brains are wired differently than ours. Our ways of communicating and processing information aren’t the same,” one local doctor shared through his research. “It’s like we use two completely different languages, but women expect men to be bilingual.”
A high school teacher spoke to his students about the issue, “The quote ‘Women are from Venus, and men are from Mars’ is true. It’s something that happens every day, and it’s unfortunate. Women expect so much more than men are able to give and it’s taxing on us. We try our best, but there’s a disconnect.”
Women, on the other hand, have taken to town meetings and City Hall. With protests beginning to happen almost daily, many women in Ithaca are expressing their frustrations with the excuses men have given them.
“It’s not hard, you know,” a student at Ithaca College explains, “to communicate with another person. Girls can do it, so why can’t guys? There’s no reasonable explanation for what’s happening and it’s a threat to our safety which is why we’re protesting.”
Several Cornell students staged a sit-in during an important football game, causing their team to forfeit. These students are facing misconduct charges from local authorities.
In response to women being vocal about their frustrations, many men in Ithaca have come together to form a coalition for The Protection of Men’s Safety (PMS). Their newly announced president, who wished to stay anonymous for his safety, explained the coalition’s view on the matter:
“It’s not a man’s fault that a woman can’t be clear enough. If her ‘no’ sounds like a ‘yes,’ then it’s a ‘yes.’ There’s nothing we can do to change that.”
One woman stated, “It’s a good thing that their president decided to remain anonymous,” in hopes that the men in the coalition would hear the opposite and name themselves.
Jourdyn McQueary is a second-year writing for film, TV and emerging media major who thinks that if you have to ask, you’re probably wrong. You can email them at firstname.lastname@example.org.