Buzzsaw Magazine Relinquishes Its Morals, Becomes Punk Rock Zine
We would like to inform you of some changes coming to Buzzsaw Magazine. As you know, our industry, which we call journalism, is undergoing a lot of changes. We’ve seen many newspapers, websites, and magazines take big steps to address the change in content their readerships desired. We’ve seen more video journalism, more twitter, more blogging, and many other changes. We’ve also noticed some desire for change from our readership too. Below is a poll we took last year from our readership to see what you wanted us to publish more of.
The results were shocking. We were surprised that, in an age of social and visual media on the rise, so many of you wanted us to shift our format to that of a 70s punk rock zine. This comes from a landslide vote too. We did not expect punk rock to beat out nudity by more than 50 percent, though we should have seen it coming after Playboy’s shift to a no-nudity format.
So with these results in mind, we are formally announcing our magazine’s new format:
Our first change is the name of our magazine. Buzzsaw has been the name of this prestigious organization for many years, but we are aware of one fact that is true. As David Bowie said, “Time may change me, but I can’t chase time.” And so we won’t. Our new name will be Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. We don’t only believe that this new name will change the face of our magazine, but that it will also give the sound of sharp political commentary that came from the 70s punk scene in New York and London.
The next change you’ll be seeing in the next month is going to be our content. Far away are the days where this magazine published articles about important issues such as gender and racial inequality, American politics, and independent films only four people have seen. By the time our next issues comes out, Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz will be covering subjects like “Top 37 Sex Pistols Lyrics” and “Were the New York Dolls Even From New York?” Imagine Buzzfeed if 60% of their articles were about the Clash.
Now, we at Buzzsaw are still aware of the other percentages of people who wanted different subjects from our magazine and we are taking strides to make this publication one that you will read as well. This is what we plan to do for the other groups of people who wanted different things: For the 16 percent of voters who want nudity, we will be making sure that every picture of a punk band in this magazine has all musicians completely nude. That means that it will be difficult to turn the page without seeing at least one punk rock penis.
For the 12 percent that want information on how to build car bombs, we have turned your profiles into the FBI and NSA for further background checks. This is very concerning.
And for the four percent of voters who wish to keep the good ole fashion news in our magazine, we are pleased to inform you that we will still devote the last two pages for news and social and political commentary.
With these changes on the horizon, we can ensure that we are meeting the demands of our readership and also push boundaries. We couldn’t be more excited about the future of Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Your Buzzsaw, and now Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz editors
Jordan Aaron is a third-year writing for film, TV and emerging media major who will do anything a pie chart tells them to. You can email them at firstname.lastname@example.org.