The View From the President’s Office

By | January 26th, 2016 | Obsessed, Sawdust

A dialogue between the President Tom Rochon and Trustee Grape

Image by Courtney Yule

Image by Courtney Yule

President Rochon is looking out his office window when his speaker phone rings.

Admin. Assistant: Dr. Rochon, Trustee Grape is on the line for you.
Rochon: Not now please, I’m visioning.
Admin Assist: Sir, it‘s his third attempt to reach you today.
Rochon: (sighs) Alright, put him through.
Grape: Tom, What the devil is going on over there. You’re getting your butt kicked all over the pages of the Ithacan.
Rochon: Nothing to worry about sir. Everything is under control.
Grape: Your version of control looks strangely like total chaos.
Rochon: Immersive learning may appear messy, but the Blue Sky initiative is on track and performing at optimum education level.
Grape: Not following Tom, but I recommend you pull your head out of the clouds and deal with these kids.
Rochon: Believe me sir, we’re giving the minority students an education that will follow them beyond South Hill and into the real world. Sure, they may hate me for it, but years from now, when they have the fortitude to deal with real racism, they’ll look back on IC and know we prepared them for the worst. Dare I say, they may be our next generation of donors.
Grape: Being harassed by Campus Security is not going to create a lot of fond memories.
Rochon: I love these kids like my own, but it’s never too early to deal with being profiled.
Grape: But they’re holding rallies calling for your resignation. For God’s sake, even the faculty is ready to burn you at the stake.
Rochon: That’s the beauty of it all. The students are becoming the teachers and the teachers the students. IC is on the verge of a major educational transformation. We are making history, sir.
Grape: Tom, If the trustees are called to vote on your dismissal, what would you recommend?
Rochon: I would say it’s been my privilege to provide the leadership that enhances IC’s educational standing. I’m standing by for a consultation with the University of Missouri. If called, my bags are packed.

Tom Stern is an Ithaca local who emailed us this satire piece. You can email him at

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