Top Ten Sex Scenes on Television
10. Rugrats – Whichever episode it was when Dee-Dee and Stew Pickles decided to conceive baby brother Dill Pickles, leading to the feature film The Rugrats Movie. Nobody is quite sure in what episode the Pickles parents decided to “do the nasty,” but the birthing scene following that fateful fornication was incredibly existential.
9. Spongebob Squarepants – Any episode that involves protagonist Spongebob and his “side-kick” Patrick going “jelly-fishing.” That has to be a euphemism for something… Don’t let it “sting” you!
8. I Love Lucy – Whenever Lucy and Ricky “go to bed.” No seriously, though; they really are just going to bed—a couple sharing a bed would far too risqué for the retro public eye. What do you think this is, The Munsters?!
7. Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives – Every episode! Have you picked up on Guy Fieri’s passionate food fetish? Watching Fieri’s face contort through an evident food-gasm every time he takes a bite of some sort of steaming meaty sandwich could stimulate lust within any sane person’s loins.
6. That ‘70s Show season 7, episode 24 – As a going away present, just before Eric goes away, Donna wants to surprise Eric by dressing as Princess Leia. Needless to say, some out-of-this-world role-play ensues. Although nobody admits it, most people would have loved to see Eric Foreman’s star trooper.
5. Full House – Any scene that cuts from Uncle Jesse sensually muttering to Becky “… Have mercy.” Widely known as the John Stamos Effect, the majority of Uncle Jesse’s sensual dialogue instantly put most sexual mammals into heat. Me-ow.
4. Arrested Development pilot; season 2, episode 18; and the season 3 finale – the many times George Michael Jr. and Maebe kiss. Weren’t they supposed to be cousins? It’s okay; we find out later that she was adopted from the beginning… Plus, there’s always money in the banana stand, if you catch my drift.
3. 30 Rock season 7, episode 2 – Liz finally recognizes her organizational fetish, and makes sweet love to partner Kriss in Office Depot, surrounded by various types of office supplies, cheap desk decorations and… the Office Depot employees? Spicy! This episode is what sparked the classic quote, “What do you think this is, an Office Max?”
2. The O.C. season 1 episode 19 – When Summer and Seth both lose their virginities to each other; they were both a little bit confused, describing the experience as “floppy” to their peers. Nevertheless, it was cute, pure, incredibly steamy and induced the exclamation most teens of 2004 would have loved to shout in bed… “COHEN!”
1. Merekat Manor – Let’s be honest, Merekat fornication is the fourth most popular animal porn in the U.S… Ti-moan?
Lizzy Rosenberg is a sophomore IMC major who fantasized about the Rugrats’ conceptions. Email her at erosenb1[at]ithaca.edu.