Brace Yourself: Everyone’s Coming

By | March 6th, 2014 | Issues, Magazine, Prose & Cons, Sex, web-featured

Game of Thrones porn spinoff features less sex than actual show

Popular HBO show Game of Thrones has been the source of much controversy over the last three seasons. The series, inspired by George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series features scenes of blood, violence, torture, death and most importantly sex. So, it was no surprise when popular porn mogul Jack Mehoff came up with the idea for an erotic spinoff, aptly titles Game of Hoes. He could never anticipate just how much sex he would have to include in order to rival the popular television show.

“I mean they have a brother and sister shagging,” Mehoff says. “How can we compete with that? That’s too messed up. And I made a reality series based on the Saw franchise. But with sex!”

Included in the porn are versions of all the popular characters viewers have grown to love and despise. There’s the dwarf, Tyrion Bangister, Brienne the Tart, Jon Blow, Petyr “Littleweiner” Baelish and of course the evil king Jack-offry. The story takes place in the fictional world of Sexterose, and includes everything from mythical bestiality to the classic princess rescue scenes.

Reportedly, the scene entitled “The Red Bedding” is amongst the most disturbing, featuring an orgy of “fertile women” if you catch my drift.

Unfortunately for Mehoff and the entire cast and crew of Game of Hoes, and its subsequent spinoffs Ass of Kings, Storm of “Swords,” Feast of Below, and A No-Pants Dance with Dragons, it seems as though all of their attempts to capitalize on the popular series are to no avail.

“I honestly thought I had just stumbled on a leaked stream of Season 4,” Game of Thrones fan Georgie McFaddington revealed. “All the sex didn’t even faze me. I mean, have you seen the series? So many tits, man. Though now that I think about it, there were more wieners than usual…”

When asked to comment, George R. R. Martin responded by asking who Mehoff’s favorite character was, presumably to plan for their slow and painful death.

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Rachel Maus is a junior Cinema & Photography major that could get into the whole role-playing thing. Email her at rmaus1[at]ithaca.edu.

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