Or, you know, not
The most wonderful time of the year is upon us again. There’s a beautiful layer of snow on the ground and a painfully bitter wind in the air. But you wouldn’t know about this because you’ve spent the past eight hours in the library wishing the school offered a class on priorities instead of one that calls for a fifteen page final paper. (Why don’t they let you see the syllabus before you register?)
You’ll be home in less than ten days and that is the one thing pushing you along: Christmas. The tree, the lights, the music, the food, the family time and of course, the presents. What will be wrapped up under that tree this year? Well, your parents may have taken up CBS and US News on their gift ideas for college students…
1. “Anki DRIVE. This new toy should be a huge hit with college guys. Anki Drive is a $200 racing game with a track and cars that players control with their iPhones or iPads. Players use their devices as steering wheels and brakes.”
$200. Oh all the things $200 could buy besides some techy new video game. Why not just give us $200 in cash? We’ll do with it as we please and you won’t ask questions. Deal?
2. “Fitness tracker. The Fitbit Orb is a new lower-priced fitness tracker from the makers of the FitBit Flex that tracks steps, distance, calories burned and active minutes. The Orb can be clipped to clothes or worn on the wrist ($97).”
Did you just call me fat?
3. “Colorful socks. Solmate Socks knits colorful, mismatched socks out of recycled cotton in Vermont that should make just about any co-ed smile ($20 and up). For guys, there is Happy Socks, a Swedish company that sells men’s colorful socks ($10 and up).”
What are we, eight years old? Happy Socks!? You’re going to buy your 19-year-old son Happy Socks? Are you going to buy your husband a matching pair? Are these two grown men both going to wear their Happy Socks on the same day together?
I mean, recycled cotton is a nice idea; I’m all for sustainable living, but at this point in our lives, I think a nice pair of business socks would be more appropriate. Argyle?
4. “Xbox One. Video gamers have been eagerly waiting for Xbox One, Microsoft’s new, more powerful gaming console ($500).”
$500. Oh holy night! Oh Santa baby! Forget the Xbox. Forget the $200. We want $500. Give us $500 and we’ll call it a holly jolly, very Merry Christmas and a happy new year!
5. “Tea maker. Yes, you can just dunk a tea bag into a cup of hot water, but Teavana’s tea maker promises to make the perfect cup using loose tea leaves ($19.95).”
Yes, you CAN just dunk a tea bag into a cup of hot water. How about a nice assortment of teas? Wegman’s literally has an entire aisle designated to teas, all kinds of teas. And while you’re at it, go over to Green Star and buy some good honey. Support the local businesses of the number one college town in America!
6. “Fun jewelry. Urban Outfitters has rolled out some cute necklaces for the holidays, including a spiked big necklace ($34) and a snowdrop necklace ($28).”
Instead, go to the “Sale” section of Urban and buy sweaters, big sweaters, sweaters with buttons, sweaters with stripes, it doesn’t really matter. When we go back to school for spring semester, there is a chance we could come home for summer wearing just as many layers as when we left. I’ll tell you right now, “fun jewelry” won’t be keeping us warm. And do you want your poor little babies catching a cold? I don’t think so.
7. “Custom stainless steel water bottle. Customize a water bottle for your favorite runner or athlete ($18).”
Cute, Mom. Why not just put a picture of my damn face on it while you’re at it?
8. “Emergency Kit- Most college students don’t have things like Band-Aids and first-aid creams on hand when they live on campus, but they inevitably end up needing them.”
Honestly, this probably should’ve been done back in August. There’s definitely a checklist of things to get for a dorm room and this is first on the list. Plus, I think by now even the most clueless of freshman have figured out how to get a Band-Aid…but thanks.
9. “Bike Accessories- If your student bikes on campus, consider gifting some bike accessories that are both functional and fun, such as baskets, bells, and beads.”
Again with the age confusion. Bells and beads? How about a pair of training wheels too? Oy vey…
10. “Book About Your Student’s School- Your student picked—and stayed at—his or her school for a reason. Check the campus bookstore for a history of your student’s college for a gift he or she will cherish for years.”
Jodi Silberstein is a junior journalism major who doesn’t subscribe to the consumerist ideals of “Christmas.” Instead, please join her in celebrating the 12 Days of Bryan Roberts. Email her at jsilber1[at]ithaca.edu.