Local resident anticipates the return of students every year
Fall is a time of year that many tend to dread in Ithaca. Youngsters on their way to school say goodbye to long days spent in the sun, while adults dread the eventual return of college students. Except for one man that is.
Stan Gurtz’s eighty-sixth birthday occurred one month ago, yet he still considers himself young at heart. Living in a small ranch house located on Hudson Street, he constantly finds himself at various collegiate parties come autumn. He has lived in Ithaca ever since being just shy of graduating in 1949.
Gurtz was excused from Ithaca College when he brought a cow to the thirteenth floor of the once Middle Tower (located between East and West Tower). The tower was promptly deconstructed during the process of removing the cow from the top floor via crane. Gurtz constantly reminds students that he is the reason there are only two towers constructed at the top of the campus.
He eventually graduated from Gurtz College, which turned out to be located at his house where he read a few books he picked up at Urban Outfitters on cupcake cocktails and feminist Ryan Gosling.
Despite his ruckus while attending Ithaca College, he has been harmless ever since, simply living his life party-rocking until the dead of the night. Most IC students credit at least one learned dance move to him.
“This guy is a party animal!” exclaimed a freshman who met Gurtz at a party on her first night in Ithaca.
Gurtz is a legend on South Hill. Many visiting high schoolers have cited that they chose Ithaca because of “that awesome old guy that comes to parties and knows all the words to ‘We Can’t Stop’ by Miley Cyrus.” In fact, he might be the living definition of Cyrus’s new chart-topper. “Most nights I’m the last one to leave the party because YOLO!” Gurtz said in a recent interview.
Of course, this can lead to some annoyance from home owners. “We enjoy having him at parties because he’s a super partier that really gives our ragers credibility,” a student living in Circles said. “But, he takes forever to leave, and I got 8 am’s!” Another student living in Gardens said that he found Gurtz twerking in his living room when he woke up at noon.
While one might question Gurtz’s morals and intentions, one student said it best when defending him. “He’s just an old man looking to live his life to the fullest. Why tell him ‘no’ when he’s just going to make everyone’s party that much better? This guy is the epitome of college. And he brings bud!” Even at eighty-six years old, Gurtz is still considered to be the best thing about Ithaca parties.
Christopher Thomas is a sophomore TV-R major who hosts ragers in his dorm every Monday night. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.