Employee’s pleasantly serenaded by Smash Mouth’s All Star
Dian Sieto, manager of the largest Nike sweatshop in northern Indonesia, recently announced to his workers his new plan to boost company morale: playing Smash Mouth’s 90’s hit “All Star.”
Sieto stated he plans to play the upbeat song at least once a day over the speakers that are used for the sweatshop’s alarm systems. He added that he doesn’t foresee this as a problem because all the fire escapes are already broken, so the alarm is really just for show anyway.
The change was met with great enthusiasm as the workers quietly muttered in joy. Lastri Fung, who has worked in the sweatshop for four years, ever since her family traded her in exchange for three male oxen at age 13, is one of the workers who experienced this change. During her daily two-minute break, Fung said that “All Star” brightens her days and is “really a toe tapper — well, foot tapper. All of my toes were severed in a machine last week.”
Head seamstress Tuti Loe seconded this sentiment. ”When the fumes are starting to annoy my asthma or a child passes out from exhaustion on her sewing machine, or I just have a case of the Mondays, it’s nice to listen to some Smash Mouth. They get me,” Loe said. “Like, the other day, I was feeling pretty down over the fact that my fundamental human rights never get protected, but then my co-worker turned to me and said ‘Hey, now, you’re a rock star.’ And, in that moment I felt like — yeah, I am a rock star.”
Loe continued, “I really like the line about ‘We could all use a little change.’ It’s a metaphor for how I don’t want to work in this hellhole for the rest of my life and for how I can’t afford to buy rice for my family.”
Overall, the workers seemed to be much more satisfied with this song than Sieto’s previous attempt. Earlier this year, Sieto played “Hey Mickey” everyday with the same goal.
“That song was so annoying,” Fung said. “I wanted to jump out the damn window. You know, if the windows weren’t welded shut, that is.”
According to Sieto, playing Smash Mouth has already shown a noticeable increase in productivity. ”I think it’s because the song drowns out the sounds of grown women crying and allows everyone to focus,” he said.
Sieto also claims that it has increased team unity. “There’s nothing like coming in to work in the morning and hearing 75 women and children singing, ‘She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb, in the shape of an L on her forehead.’ It warms my heart,” he said. “I think it connects our workers to the experience of the American children. You know, the ones they’re making shoes and wallets for.”
Sieto stated that he plans to stick with “All Star” until it proves ineffective, in which case he plans to move onto Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week” because, “It will take them at least a year to figure out the lyrics.”
Katie Talay is a sophomore TV-R major who was personally in favor of ‘Why Can’t We Be Friends’. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org