Jerry Barrett, a 21-year-old Ithaca College senior, is undergoing what many have begun calling a “quarter-life crisis.” The young adult has been seen walking around campus with his eyes glued to a Gameboy.
“Not even a DS,” said classmate Mark Geller. “It’s like, a Gameboy color.”
This is apparently only the beginning. Sources say that Barrett has been relentlessly hyping “new” episodes of Saved By the Bell, Boy Meets World and Are You Afraid of the Dark?. Further investigation reports his regression is a direct result of his impending graduation. The catalyst for his breakdown was an email confirming his height measurements for his cap and gown fitting. The tangible symbol of his transition into adulthood was too much for him.
Claire Messings, a close friend, claims Barrett’s breakdown started small but has only spiraled from there.
“At first he was making a lot of jokes about dropping out of school and becoming an astronaut or a cowboy and everyone thought it was funny. But when he signed up for a NASA summer camp, we got a little worried,” said Messings. “The camp is for kids ages eight and 14.”
The Ithaca College psychology department has taken an interest in Barrett, hoping they can better understand his fragile mental state.
A faculty member, Professor Jane R. Reptar, explained a recent experiment. “It was simple, we showed him two pairs of shoes, one with Velcro straps and lights, the other a brand new pair of Nikes. We monitored his response, and I’m sure you can assume the results,” she said, holding up a Buzz Lightyear light-up sneaker.
An interview with Barrett revealed some more startling information. According to the interview, he said, “I’m not becoming an adult. I’m a Toys ‘R’ Us kid.”
For the rest of the interview, Barrett asked researchers if they knew how to beat the third gym leader in Pokemon yellow.
The psychology department is currently working with those closest to Barrett in an effort to treat his condition. His friends and family have all agreed to make the necessary adjustments.
“They asked us to leave the news on a lot and talk excitedly about coffee and taxes,” said Joe Bergen, Barrett’s housemate. Administrators are closely monitoring Barrett and his responses to these changes. Though it appears that further treatment will be necessary, his family is hopeful for a full recovery before graduation day arrives.
Until then, his parents are discussing how best to tell Jerry his “playroom” is being occupied by his 27-year-old sister, who has just moved back home.
Brianna Pennella is a sophomore TV-R major who can be seen riding around campus on her Razor scooter. Email her at bpennel1[at]ithaca[dot]edu.