New Website Translates Students’ Emails to Parents
By Colleen Cunha
This past Tuesday, a freshman here at Ithaca College, who prefers to remain anonymous, uncovered an alarming website while browsing the Internet. The student was searching for instructions on how to send a letter in the mail, but came upon a page that seemed to have instructions on how to send an email, intended for parents who are technologically incompetent. On this page, the student found a link to a website that translates emails from college students to their parents. This well-hidden translator is simple, easy to use, and disturbingly accurate. Although its origins are unclear and the way it works perplexing, we are attempting to get to the bottom of this and plan to somehow shut down the abominable site. Here is an example email, sent by another anonymous student to his mother just last week. The translation is shockingly precise.
“My schedule is great! My Thursday classes are my favorite. I’m struggling a bit with architecture, chemical reactions, and geography, but my advisor told me it’ll start to come more naturally once I get used to the classes. I’m probably going to talk to my French teacher, I feel like I should be at a higher language level. I can’t wait to come home and see you and dad for the first time since I left, I’ve been a bit homesick. Well I have to go help my roommate with his homework, love you mom!”
“My schedule is great! The best parties are on Thursdays. It’s really hard to walk home at night after a party at the Circles. The upper class men told me I’ll begin to build up tolerance, and the hazing shouldn’t last much longer. The girl I hooked up with at the party was a good kisser, but my roommate says I could have done better. Please don’t come down for parents weekend, I’ll probably be hung over. Well my roommate just broke out a collection of Playboy mags, stop emailing mom!”