Local Mom Discovers 14 year-old son’s Vast Porn Collection

By Amy Obarski

Carol Blanche, mother of 14 year-old Justin, was shocked upon the discovery of her son’s extensive collection of Playboy, Penthouse and Skanky Stan’s porn paraphernalia.  “I’ve really never seen this much of it, I mean, there were piles of it that just kept coming out of his closet when I went to his room to pick up his dirty laundry.”  Carol called her husband, Dan, to preview the plethora of porn.  Dan wanted to congratulate his son and stated, “He’s finally becoming a man.”

Carol is very upset with her son and his collection habits, but Dan defends his son.

“He’s taking advantage of a market, that during my childhood, was never this huge,” he said. “And I envy him for that.  I would have done the same thing.”

When asked how Justin acquired the magazines, he replied in a nonchalant manner, ”Santa.”  Justin’s friends refer to him as the “go-to” guy for evening entertainment among the freshman boys at Hillsboro High.  Justin is in charge of the Monday morning announcements at the High School and as such, uses his position to promote his Thursday night literary club, where intense critiques of the articles from Playboy take place.

A plan of action is up for debate between the feuding parents and there seems to be no reconciling on the issue.  Carol wants him to throw out the “disgraceful reading material” while Dan wants to take over the collection, claiming it will help his and Carol’s marriage.

Despite his parents’ possible punishment, Justin is extremely proud of his collection and how he has the most culturally diverse collection of porn (hailing from countries such as Brazil, France and Ethiopia) among 14-year-olds in the world.  When asked what he would do with the collection, Justin merely shrugged and said, “Sell ‘em and buy more?”

Justin plans to point out this honor in the “personal achievements” section of his resume when he begins applying for jobs in a couple years.